I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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