He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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