i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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