Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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