I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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