I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
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I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
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If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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