Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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