I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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