take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
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Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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