If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize