I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize