so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
God, I missed his penis.
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