Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize