: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize