i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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