i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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