So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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