i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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