half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
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Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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