While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
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He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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