I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
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just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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