after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm experimenting with sincerity
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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