My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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