apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
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I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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