Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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