I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
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