tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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