I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize