Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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