Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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