Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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