the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize