My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
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his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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