haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize