he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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