I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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