Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize