Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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