and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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