Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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