You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize