oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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