Your tits are I can't wait for
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize