guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize