Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
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I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
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bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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