I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
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I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What happened to fro yo and sex?
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We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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