I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i can't believe i had my finger in that
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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