How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize