well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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