he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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